I just want to address something real quick and I’m sorry if this puts a damper on your day. But I was out jogging at half 6 this morning. Usual routine, I’ve been ill for a few weeks soI haven’t been able to do much exercise. I was jogging through an underpass and I saw this guy on a bike…
do you care about jon hamm’s dick?
but i wrote this article about the issues behind major news articles backing him up when he asks people to stop talking about his dingdong
read it, give me feedback, tell me you love me.. you know.
And read his follow-up post responding to commenters wondering how they will ever get laid if they don’t invade people’s bubbles in coffee shops.
In my experience, these women are also reacting to deep-set fears of rejection. But women aren’t raised in a culture that tells them they’re entitled to attention from men. We’re told instead that we have to earn it. And one reliable way of earning positive attention from men is to bash other women, especially women who speak out against sexism. If you’re really good at it, you can make a career out of it. See: Ann Coulter, S.E. Cupp and many right wing women like them. But even if you don’t do it professionally, there are many rewards. For selling out other women like this, she is rewarded by so much positive male attention. Fears of rejection are safely silenced for a long time. Granted, she’s getting positive attention from assholes, but sadly, many women don’t realize that there’s an alternative.
Excuse sexist behavior from men, get to be told you’re the exception. You’re not like those other girls, the bitchy ones. You’re special. It can be very intoxicating.
Amanda Marcotte, It’s Really Time for the Harassment to End, September 7, 2012
The specific women mentioned aren’t ones I know anything about. I can’t comment on the accuracy of the quote on them, nor do I think I have to because everything else is spot-on and that’s what I’ll say here is why I’m posting this quote.
And to be clear, this is the only part in an excellent article (read it!) about sexism practiced by men that deals with women who join in and/or excuse that practice. From a feminist standpoint, it is perhaps wrong to focus on the part of the described problem that deals with victims’ aid to it, because a victim is only trying to survive, but less women feeding on the quoted logic would make feminism a whole lot easier. As in, no fighting within the own ranks.
(P.S. Not saying that the quoted type of women is the only one to be a source of in-fighting. Intersectionality-related in-fighting by women who don’t understand the privileges they do have is even worse. But if the quoted one can stop, that would nonetheless be an improvement.)—
|Hello, there. I read your post about the sexual harassment. As I must keep this fairly brief, my main point is that when reading these kinds of posts, I feel insulted after reading them. I've found that it's because all of these posts seem to make men out to be terrible demons from the fiery depths of hell, when we're really not all that bad. Well, some of us anyway. It just feels really insulting, because it seems that you just hate all men or something. Anyway, I hope you can read this. Cheers|
Like I said to another asker, all you have to do is hear about it - we live it. So if hearing about it is insulting to you, the fact that it actually happens should make you even madder.
Where do people even get this idea that if we’re mad at men for following us around and having no respect for us, right up to outright threatening our safety, we must hate all men? It makes no sense. Yeah, I hate some men. I hate men who feel entitled to my time, energy, attention, men who threaten me and stalk me. I hate those men. I hate when men stand next to their friends and laugh while they harass women and tell sexist jokes, and I am really mad at the ones who don’t join in but also don’t say anything.
More than anything though, I hate when men can hear about the daily gauntlet of shit somebody goes through and manage to spend the whole time thinking “but what about my feelings?” Your feelings are not important here. If you read that post with any attention at all you may have noticed that regulating what I say to men in order to spare their feelings is part of the problem. Take your feelings out of the equation for once, and suck it up if you feel insulted. I feel insulted every day listening to the way women are treated and hearing how I’m talked to. Your feelings are not everybody’s priority.
I read the whole thing. Telling people not to harass others seems like a thing that shouldn’t have to be said. People who harass others don’t even register as people to me. All I’m saying to do is not to spread hatred because it doesn’t help anyone with anything it just makes things worse.
Well, it does have to be said. Chances are you know plenty of harassers, hang out with them a fair amount even. How many guys do you think admit to their friends that they follow women home or sit outside their apartments for hours?
Talking about harassment is not spreading hatred and it’s sad that you look at it that way. You’re basically telling people that being harassed, stalked and threatened isn’t the problem, telling people about it is. This is something that happens to a lot of us every day, all you have to do is hear about it.
|That post about girls being harassed was perfection. Instead of telling women and girls how to not be "over dramatic" and so on, maybe society should tell the men and guys how not to be creepy and learn some manners..|
|To be honest, that Anon who said "What if she was lying and it was her bf?", what does it even matter? Even if she die lie, I'm not really sure how that changes things. I hate that some people assume that because he's her bf, she's somehow obligated to go home with him. NEWS FLASH: Some guys are TERRIBLE boyfriends. We have no idea what their relationship is/isn't so it's better to play it safe.|
Spot on. Being in a relationship does not give people the right to disrespect their partner’s wishes.
|I just wanted to share, that I do not know how many times me and my female friends are driving at night and theyre men in the car right next to us and they will try to like talk to us but we refuse or ignore them but they will follow us and flash their car lights at us and we are scared for our lives and we have to drive around to try and lose them|
|Your story made me think, a lot. Mostly it made me think how depressing it is to be a part of the same gender as these people, but also about how I might see that kind of thing (boyfriends forcing themselves, guys yelling at women) everyday on the street and just dismiss it. I think I'll think more closely now, so thankyou :) also, on behalf of all men everywhere, I'd like to offer a most profound and sincere apology. Men are dicks.|
It’s good that you’re a bit more aware of it now, and seriously, thank you for looking at what you can do to help. Something as simple as telling your friends to respect a person’s “no” response to a date is a huge thing.
So fucking true.
Relevant. This isn’t actually the theme to my blog, it just looks like it. There’s something about my dashboard lately, it’s covered in this stuff.—
Just last week I happened to be awake at 3 am and heard “go away, stop it” from outside my apartment window. Of course I was worried and wound up going outside with my cell phone and my pocket knife (the cell phone so I could pretend I was on it). I found a woman across the street, 18-20, somewhat drunk and trying to pull away from a guy claiming to be her boyfriend. After walking to the end of the block and back I sucked it up and stopped right next to them and asked her if she was okay. No. I asked if she knew him. Yes. I asked if he was her boyfriend. No. I asked if she wanted to go with him. No. I told her she could come with me. He wouldn’t let go of her arm and kept talking to her with the platitudes women are familiar with - come on baby, I’ll take you home, just hang out with me, we were having such a good time - and eventually he gave in after seeing I had my finger on the dial button, but he was vibrating on the spot and he was pissed. Then he kept talking to me with all the insults women are familiar with - bitch, cunt, stupid fucking slut, etcetera forever. And of course he went after her for “leading him on.” I got her in a cab from my front door and went so far as to make sure I didn’t turn on any lights when I went inside so he wouldn’t know that my apartment was on the basement level facing the street where he was standing.
But this isn’t a problem or anything.
A few months ago I was working late shifts at work and getting off at 3 am. I only live a few blocks from there, so I was walking home. This was when there was a series of attacks against women in my neighbourhood. Not rapes, but escalating attempts to harm women, involving choking. So yes, I was on red alert. A group of five men from the bars saw me walking home. They started calling out to me - again, with all the lines women are used to (that, by the way guys, are not in the least bit attractive) - hey baby, where you goin, come on just stay and chat, a pretty thing like you shouldn’t be going home alone, where do you live. I ignored them and walked faster, and they sped up to keep up with me. Five men in their 20s. Following me home, drunk, and getting progressively angrier that I wouldn’t talk to them. “Why the fuck you being so rude? We just want to talk, quit being such a frigid bitch.” *guffaw guffaw* “Baby come on slow down, have some coffee with us.” I walked even faster, still not talking to them. I have foot and knee injuries, so this was getting really painful and I couldn’t have broken into a run if I’d tried. They thought this whole thing was quite hilarious and quite rude of me, never mind that I’m the one being followed home by drunk strangers. I finally looped a block and backtracked to the main road, which is really well-lit, and plopped myself dead centre in the middle of the ambulance-police combo that is in front of one of the bars every Saturday night without fail.
But street harassment isn’t a problem or anything.
Walking down a bright road in daylight, men lean out of car windows and honk and cheer at me and my friends. This has been happening since I was 14. Many of them are stuck at the same light we are, so we spend a good two minutes listening to them ask us to flash them. “Just show us your titties, we’ll give you each $5!”
Going to a bar and getting my ass groped at the bar as a precursor to offering to buy me a drink. I don’t know if men think this is a demonstration of their sexual abilities, or what, but it happens all the time.
Walking home from Walmart at 10pm and having a guy walk by me say “nice titties” thinking I can’t hear him because I have headphones in. Worst of all, spinning in anger and having to keep my mouth shut, because it could get a lot worse really fast.
Being “accidentally” groped on buses and trains frequently (they say they’re stumbling and that’s where their hands end up, but come on: I’m on the same vehicle, there was no jolt, and even if their was my hands don’t wind up on them), and not being able to complain without everybody thinking you’re crazy.
Dancing at a bar and having a guy slide his hand down the front of my pants. And then getting thrown out for elbowing him and shoving him away from me.
Getting told to smile by strangers (always men), and being told to cheer up, like I owe them a certain mood.
Having a guy you slept with once sit outside your house for seven hours, and then try to follow you inside while you pretend not to notice his car, and then disregard your requests through the intercom to leave you alone. And then, when you finally call the police, having the policeman call you back to say “He’s leaving, but he sounded sincerely sorry. You shouldn’t be so hard on him, he sounds like a nice guy.” Yeah, give him your home address then.
Having male customers look you up and down like you’re on the menu, and not being able to slap the customer who grabs your ass while you’re cleaning tables because you’ll be fired.
Finding out your sister’s employer felt comfortable uttering threats to punch her in the face for accusing him of being unfair, and her not feeling like she could tell anybody.
Having my male boss feel like he can touch me, rub my shoulders, call me honey and sweetheart and baby, and him being right, he can do those things, because everybody calls you oversensitive if you complain about those things.
Being followed home numerous times, both on foot and by car, being forced to talk to the guy who sits next to you on the bus for 45 minutes straight, and since I couldn’t think of a non-threatening way not to give him my phone number, I did so that I could get away. It took him a year and a half to stop calling me. Being told I’m paranoid for carrying any kind of protection, and stupid for not protecting myself, I’m a misandrist for assuming the worst of strange men, and stupid for having a conversation, I’m rude for asking men to leave me alone, and stupid and weak for not being more direct and assertive. Being told to go out and have fun more, stop being so uptight, and having that thrown in my face when something happens, because if I had some morals and didn’t advertise myself as, I don’t know, being alive or something, nothing would have happened. Being told to give him a chance and then being told to stop leading him on. Having to know all of the escape routes on my way home, and sending staff to the dumpsters in pairs. Having it be a fucking brave thing to do to stand next to a girl so she can walk away from the guy trying to bully her into going home with him.
And then having to listen to people say, “You’re exaggerating. Men aren’t like that, quit trying to see the worst in people. Men get harassed too, just ignore them and walk away. It’s the same thing.” Listening to people just step right over the fact that if woman deems a guy creepy, she’s told she’s being too critical and she needs to lower her standards, but if a man deems a woman possessive, controlling, demanding, jealous, bitchy, clingy, psycho, on her period, whiny, or outright dangerous he’s commended on his standards and congratulated on a bullet deftly dodged.
How many women does it take to bring these things to light before people stop thinking we’re crazy, over-critical bitches?
Male privilege is venting to male friends about being sexually harassed by male co-workers in order to seek advice, and their only response is “do you want us to beat them up for you? We can take them.” But you can’t take any action because your a scrawny weak woman and would be fired for such “outrageous” actions.
if you’re being sexually harassed, how about you do the logical thing and report it instead of venting to your male friends about it?
you wonder why men see you as weak? THIS IS FUCKING WHY!!!!!!
I have multiple facepalms for you.
Report it to who? The boss who’s harassing you? Or how about the boss who tells you to suck it up, or the boss who doesn’t believe you? How about the police who tell you it’s your word against his? Women get ignored or fired for this kind of thing all the time. Or they report it and the man gets a reprimand, at which point you are now working with somebody hostile toward you.
If men see women as weak for not be sure they want to risk their jobs over something that might not go anywhere, then they’re idiots. I’ve worked in dozens of offices, and in most of them I can’t make a complaint about so much as my broken chair without being treated as a whiny girl.
woooow. i love how “asphyxiated_love” completely ignores the part of the original submission that explains WHY the OP can’t “do the logical thing.” seriously now, it was a short submission, how could you possibly miss that part?
trigger warning: harassment and rape threats trufax, i used to work in a restaurant with a guy who sexually harassed me all.the.time. once, he shoved me against a wall, held a paper towel over my mouth, and asked me if it “smelled like chloroform.” he also threatened to rape me, and claimed to have drugged my drink whenever he saw me sipping a soda. when i “did the logical thing” and reported his behavior to my boss, she (yes, a woman—i can’t imagine how the male owner would have responded) told me that the guy was “totally harmless, just stop pissing him off and do your job.” this despite the fact that the guy had a record and used to brag about “slapping around” his ex. then, of course, he found out that i’d reported him and started deliberately fucking up all my orders, which cost me money in tips. (he also threatened to “follow me home.”) so yeah. i “did the logical thing” and lost support from my managers and money. and from the sound of the OP, they have it worse than i did.
so fuck off, asphyxiated_love.
My first boss - the store owner - didn’t violently harass his staff (made of teenage girls), but he did constantly invade our personal space and give us shoulder rubs, crack dirty jokes, tell us that the hot ones had to clean the tables (so they could bend over, see). Nobody ever wanted to close when he was around. But I guess we should have complained to him about him and risked losing our incomes.